OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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