Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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