Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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