respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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