i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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