He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
