My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
