the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
