Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
