I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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