i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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