I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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