I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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