singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
