If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
