Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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