Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
