god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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