why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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