You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
