Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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