My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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