Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
