Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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