I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
