I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
