I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
