and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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