Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
