Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're like the curious george of whores
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
