I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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