I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
