So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
