I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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