I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
