Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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