YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
