Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
