When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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