For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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