You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
