Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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