I look better un-naked...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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