Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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