So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
