Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
