At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
