can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There are leaves in my underwear?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
