I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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