opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
