Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
