Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
