i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to rekindle our bromance
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
