i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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