You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
