farters have to be the big spoon...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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