I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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