well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
