i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
