New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
