the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
