before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
