so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
