I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
