i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
