she woke up with a sticky ear
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
