OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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