i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
