My friends, they love my intelligence
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
