My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your cock deserves a montage
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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