How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
