eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
