he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
