Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
