If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
