She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
